Jealousy? JEALOUSY?!?! when I typed in “How do I overcome…” the first one was jealousy?? Most jealousy stems from our need to protect our egos; and most egos do not want to admit wrong, and thus, most truly jealous people would not be searching the term “how do I overcome jealousy”.

If someone is typing that question in Google, congratulations, the inaccurate diagnoses of your condition also appears to be the cure!!

Complicated question: “how do I overcome jealousy?”

Simple answer: overcome jealousy by learning admiration.

What is the difference between Jealousy and Admiration?

The best way to overcome a negative is with a positive. Trying to remove a negative often leaves a void which will eventually be filled by a similar, negative, energy & behavior. The most effective and definitive way to overcome Jealousy would be to transform it in to Admiration.

A jealous person is one who is focused on their “lack”; admiration tends to be focused on appreciation. Jealousy tends to occur when one feels personally tied to a person or situation – admiration tends to occur when an individual does not feel they “lack” due to another’s success.

The key is – it’s all about a decision we make regarding how we want to synthesize a situation. If you are jealous – think about what you can do to shift it into admiration. Let the situation that is making you jealous serve as motivation to either change, manage your emotion/that “feeling”, or just meditate over the concept – use it to drill deep into your own psyches to identify why you feel the way you do.

Here are some various examples of jealousy – and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments if any other come to mind.

Are you jealous about a peer at work who tends to get more recognition? Understand why they get more recognition, break it down, and use it to inspire you. Use the power of that negative-jealousy feeling to serve as a ‘positive trigger’ to “remember what to do”. The negative feeling will eventually be tied to a positive feeling, and eventually be REPLACED by that positive feeling — then, when a peer is getting more recognition than you, you can “admire them” for their ability to achieve (or even for their ability to manage perception, which sounds negative, but is indeed a different skill which could be respected or even admired).

Are you jealous about a friends new car?

Avoid letting the “feeling” overcome you before you clearly breakdown and assess why you are feeling that way. Do they, perhaps, have other things they are lacking in their life which would inhibit their ability to get that new car? We cannot “have it all”, because on the road to “having it all” we would lose something important, the graces that come with NOT having it all. Remember, much happiness is found in the pursuit rather than the end-state, as humans we are always looking for “what’s next”.

Are you jealous of your neighbors remodeling?

Recognize that something happens before we are jealous and before we admire —- before either feeling has any power, we process the external stimuli based on our previous experiences and mental “prototypes” which represent what things are “good” in life. By simply understand that, it is much easier to manage SOME jealousy… then we get to the tricky one.

Jealousy…. Love….oh boy…

jealous of another’s love situation, or of a specific individual who you may feel is your soul-mate that has expressed minimal interest in you — it’s a tough one. It’s certainly hard to say, hey, admire the person that wins that individual over (though more power to you if you can!). The best exercise to overcome this kind of jealousy is to KNOW in your heart of hearts that if the feeling isn’t mutual, than the jealousy stems from the fact the feeling wasn’t mutual more than it does that “I really lost my soul mate”. Follow your heart, by yourself, and know that the feeling of jealousy will, if anything, only hinder your road for winning the individual over. This type of jealousy is unique because the feeling of jealousy is COMPOUNDED by the feeling of love — and frankly, the ability to be patient & perservere is more important than anything else; if it simply is not working, consider that in a world without time, perhaps you will look back at SOME POINT and recognize EXACTLY why it was not meant to be. Until then, one almost needs to approach that point as if they are trying to overcome grief – which requires acceptance.