Understand the 3 Pillars of Positive Relationship building by understanding yourself, the universe, and everything (and one) in between!
Relationships fail for many reasons, but start with yourself, and take accountability for it. It is painful to own problems, but once you do, it is infinitely peaceful. After all, there is nothing you are in a better position to change than yourself!
The 3 Pillars of Positive Relationships
Part 2 of the Universe You series, Universe You: Positive Relationships, laid the foundation for how one can cultivate and maintain positive relationships. While it may sound abstract at first, understanding the “Holographic Universe’ model enables one to establish relationships with others by understanding 2 fundamental principles:
- Perception, and thus reality, changes based on our ‘stance’. If you look at a hologram from different positions, you see it’s image manifest differently.
- We are all made in the same image. If you divide a hologram into subparts, those subparts will reflect the original picture in it’s entirety.
This article will provide the 3 pillars of positive relationships and guidance on putting this universal truth into action!
- Universe You: figure out what do YOU need out of a relationship
- Universe Them: understand what you can give to OTHERS in the relationship
- Universe Us: embracing the similarities and appreciating the differences
Pillar 1: “Universe You” – What do you need to GET from the relationship?
Life is about growth, and relationships are about utilizing the interconnectivity with others to create that growth. Yet, the most important pillar in establishing a long-lasting & healthy relationship is also the one most often ignored! The reason many people fail to find, build, and maintain a relationship is because THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY NEED!!
If you want to avoid failure, do not avoid yourself!
This may sound like a selfish pretense, but it is all the same in the end. For if you do not know your needs, you will, even unknowingly, doom a relationship to failure.
Too often people complain about not finding “the one”. Too often we complain about a particular relationship with a co-worker. Too often we seek to find something without even understanding what we’d like that something we’re seeking to be!!
Know thyself. There are plenty of tools you can use to do so, the easiest is simple reflection. Another tool you may have heard of goes by many names, sometimes a “mind map” – sometimes a “goals roadmap”. By any name, put some words to paper, and branch off of those words with additional words which highlight what you are looking for in a relationship. This can be a very insightful activity, and can lead to a lot more positive change in your life than relationships alone.
You need to know yourself before you know what you’re looking for, and you need to know what you’re looking for before you can find it. You are exponentially LESS LIKELY to find love or harbor any positive relationship without knowing what that definition of a positive relationship is to you.
How Does This Pillar relate to a Holographic Universe?
Perception is reality. Understand how you perceive, by understanding where you “stand”. Then understand how you are shaping your reality through that perception.
This will help you understand your true “growth goals” which are deeply-rooted in you. This will also set the stage for increased empathy, which will be important as you come to understand “Universe Them” and create a “Universe Us”!
Pillar 2: “Universe Them” – What can you GIVE to the relationship?
The world revolves around you. At the same time, there are many YOUs, and depending to the “YOU” being spoken to, that “YOU” becomes a “THEM”.
What does this mean? It means that, once you have understood what it is you are looking for, understand that others are looking for something too!! A positive relationship begins with this awareness, even if we do not know it and, for some, are lucky enough to “fall into” a positive relationship with minimal effort.
Everyone is looking to “get” – the ones that are most successful in “getting” also tend to be the ones that are most aware with what they are “giving”. In order to receive, someone needs to give, and vice versa.
How does this Pillar relate to A Holographic Universe?
We are all made from the same image. We all share goals, and look for others to share those goals (and that journey) with. You are not the only one seeking something, if you want to “get” you need to be ready and willing to “give”.
If we all took a bit more time focusing on what we can “give” to a relationship, verses what we want to get, or more often, what we’re “NOT GETTING”, there would be many more positive relationships in this world.
With many more positive relationships, the “Universe Us” would be a much more positive place as well!
Pillar 3: “Universe Us” – Embrace the Similarities & Appreciate the Differences
You have needs. They have needs. We all have needs. A positive relationship is one that expresses the symbiotic relationship of two beings which “give” and “get” from each other in a very positive and almost systematic manner.
There is more to it than that though, we need to “give” and “get” the right things at the right times. The trick to cultivating a positive “Universe Us” when forming a positive relationship is to:
- Embrace your similarities! This is where the original connection was made. Also, this is where “two become one”. A “relationship” becomes an independent entity at some juncture.
- Appreciate your differences! This is where many relationships fall down, yet, it is those differences we rely on FOR GROWTH!!! If you found someone that was EXACTLY LIKE YOU, you would have a very hard time growing from the relationship.
The most positive relationships have some very notable similarities and very obvious differences. It is about how each individual ‘deals’ with those similarities and differences which makes for a “long-lasting” and healthy relationship.
How does this pillar relate to a Holographic Universe?
We’re all made up of the same stuff, and yet our perceptions differ.
See through the eyes of another – understand how “you + them = us”, how “universe you + universe them = universe us”. See yourselves as one entity, we are all parts of the same whole.
Leverage your individual strengths to compensate for your collective weaknesses.
If you focus on the goal of “salvaging us” versus “salvaging yourself”, then you will overcome your ego easily by understanding that YOU are part of US. You will also avoid the trap-game of “he said/she said”, “you started it”, “i’m sorry for X, but you did Y”.
If you want to FIND a relationship, you start with yourself. If you want to FIX a relationship, you start with “US”. Work backwards from “Universe Us”, like a proof in math. Starting from yourself creates immediate division in the relationship which was already formed.
Start with each other, and focus on what YOU, yourself, can do to improve your part of the equation and form a more positive “Universe Us”.
The Connection…. Making it Happen & Making it Last
Once you’ve wrapped your head around the 3 pillars of establishing a positive relationship, you are ready to make it happen and/or make it last!
Positive Relationships: MAKE IT HAPPEN
You know yourself. You know your goals. Make it happen.
Making it happen takes COURAGE. Overcome your own fears, doubts, etc. Put yourself out there, your REAL self. This is how you will attract the right people, at the right place, at the right time.
Positive Relationships: MAKE IT LAST
You have established your ‘connection’, remember what got you there, and remember that “it takes two to become one”.
You are not alone in your quest to form a positive relationship, your counterpart wants the same, even if they do not quite know it or demonstrate it all the time. Do not focus on what others have and what you don’t – what you do and what ‘they’ don’t.
Focus on the end-goal, and COMMUNICATE that end-goal to your counterpart. Do not leave anything for guess-work or to chance. Communication is key in our ability to understand ourselves and understand others, which are the two components of the positive relationship equation.
So in summary:
- Know thyself
- Understand others
- Reflect on the “gap” to grow, and to maintain
- Leverage your inidividual strengths to overcome your collective weaknesses
- Be empathetic. You are not alone in your quest, & either are they.
Until next time friends, remember that there is no Universe without U in it!
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Next Universe You Articles:
(Part 3) Universe You: Why YOU Matter!
Previous Universe You Articles:
(Part 1) Universe You: Intro to Connecting the Dots
(Part 2a) Universe You: Positive Relationships – The Holographic Universe